I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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