i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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