dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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