The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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