my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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