I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize