I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize