So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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