Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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