I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize