dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize