**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
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he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
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I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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