dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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