He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize