the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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