tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize