twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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