the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize