I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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