just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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