That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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