my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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