sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize