I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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