New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize