he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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