If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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