Apparently you make a good broom.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize