Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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