On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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