There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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