So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
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And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
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I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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