Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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