Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize