so explain again why im purple
no
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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