It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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