I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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