My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
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I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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