we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
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So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
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In other news, I just burned my penis
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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