How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize