My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
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