If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
where are my eyebrows?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize