come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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