U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize