Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
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I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
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He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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