For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
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i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
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New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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