I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i think i have two assholes
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
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He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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