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I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
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