i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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