Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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